“But he’s not an artist”

Opening night. A collaborative exhibition. Film, photography, art, music and poetry - compiled over a 12 month period documenting the coalminers at Wolfhill, Co. Laois, where my grandfather had worked. The team worked long hard hours, emotional at times as we listened to and documented stories from times long gone and we had the honour of meeting some amazing people, many of whom have sadly since passed. Sons, daughters, grandchildren thanked us for giving their loved ones the opportunity to be heard and many noted a spark as old stories were relived. The auditorium and gallery were packed. The place was buzzing.

But all I heard that night was: “But HE’s not an artist”

What is an artist? By definition, “The meaning of ARTIST is a person who creates art (such as painting, sculpture, music, or writing) using conscious skill and creative imagination.”

We had, as a collective, created something beautiful. I had come up with the idea and curated it. Why did that comment grate on me so much? I realise now that it was imposter syndrome and feelings of ‘not good enough’ that amplified my reaction.

And that’s why I needed creative recovery.

I have been creative from a very early age, making things almost every day and letting my imagination run wild. I made stilts from tin cans, lampshades and ornaments, I cooked wild and exotic (in my head) meals which the family were subjected to. I played music, I wrote plays and poetry, even the dreaded wooden spoon was transformed into a hand puppet. My parents were very good to me, letting me explore this, often making sacrifices so I could go on workshops and buy books and materials for my latest project.

I could never categorize my creative side or put it into a single box. I sang, I danced, I made things, I acted, I explored, I wrote, I painted, I did so many things that it would simply be impossible to.

As I grew older, this continued and still does. I often smile when I look at my creative C.V. at the stuff that I have accomplished and wonder what stones are left unturned? I don’t believe that I will ever stop exploring this. That is why it so important to accept your own creativity for what it is and frankly, to f**k the begrudgers.

I allowed the comment that lady made to slip into my creative consciousness where it tried to mess things up. I questioned everything that I had done, my book, my theatre work, my art collaborations at Electric Picnic, my singing, my embodiment & trauma coaching qualifications - a single comment bouncing around looking for a vulnerable spot to multiply like a virus. And it does happen.

Many of us are told at a young age that we “aren’t good enough” , whether in school, art class, sports - whatever it is. This comment, while often said passively can have a massive impact on us and our creativity or ability to perform. This has a massive impact and often morphs into imposter syndrome in later years. It can also impact in other ways and manifest negatively in our lives.

Thankfully, I was never told that I wasn’t good enough and I was always encouraged to ‘do my thing’ but still, a comment could still throw me and plunge me into a shadow of doubt.

My question is: How many of us have convinced ourselves that we aren’t good enough at what we do? How many of us have doubts? How many of us are afraid of what other people will think of our work - creative or otherwise?

It’s time to accept you for who you are and if you want to be an artist - be an artist. You are good enough. Don’t doubt yourself or your ability to be or to create, and as for other people? What they think about you or your work is none of your business.

So what is creative recovery? A process to visit your inner creative self, your doubting self, your worried self, but all in a safe way to discover the moments you felt not good enough, to acknowledge them and to accept them. We cannot change these moments, but we can change how we think and feel about them. Creative recovery is nurturing your creative inner self to be whatever you want it to be. It is a process of loving kindness & acceptance. There is clarity in its simplicity.

I have learned to accept my creative self. Trust me - you can too.

FIND YOUR WHY HERE  

P.s. - I'm grateful to that lady who said I wasn’t an artist. She will never know how much she has helped me (re) discover the resilient creative that I am.